Beer-lahai-roi (The God Who Sees Me)

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Meaning: “the well of him that liveth and seeth me,” or, as some render it, “the well of the vision of life”

the well where the Lord met with Hagar (Genesis 16:7-14)

Isaac dwelt beside this well (24:62; 25:11). It has been identified with ‘Ain Muweileh, or Moilahhi, southwest of Beersheba, and about 12 miles west fromKadesh-barnea.

These are my last days as a missionary on the foreign field. Lots of stuff going on and thought it would be nice for my personal archives to document my thoughts and emotions as I transition from one stage to the next in my life. (Hope you don’t mind my sharing.)

As I prepare to move back to the United States after living in Liberia, West Africa for 16 years, the first thing I realize is how much junk I have accumulated, that has to be thrown out.

Pieces of construction paper, yarn, mesh, chicken feed wire,  bottles, cans, wood glue, paper glue, cans, snail shells, finger paint, oil paint, spray paint, cloth paint, acrylic paint, all for artistic expression.

Not just for me, but for the many children over the years who stop by for nurturing, guidance and love.

And through it all I don’t know one kid, who if given these items would make good use of it by creating their own personal little master pieces or one great master piece or any parent who could help them.

I also realize as I pack up these things to be thrown out that I have been painting over, glossing over, some emotions that need to be thrown out.

Emotions like: resentment, anger, hostility, apathy, grief, animosity, all for self-protection.

Not just from those around me but for the many people in my head that stop by for nurturing. 809b8e422f88d1b45305897877109d1c

And through it all, I don’t know one good thing that has been achieved by keeping these emotions around, or how I could make good use of them in the future.

So, I pack them up as well and send them of via confession, repentance, prayer and fasting. The sad part about it is that when I was nurturing them I didn’t realize the strength I was giving them and how much of a fight they would put up when I decided I don’t need them after all.

I will sit by the God who sees me. Beer-lahai-roi  will help me.

Hattie

 

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